Barb's Tale of her Daddy

Hi Sally and all - I haven't read much on your site because I've been pretty busy. But I do have something to share.

As you mentioned, my Daddy passed away last week. I'd like to share some background to get to my point. I had put both of my parents on hospice care since the first of the year. It is a Godsend, particularly for a single caregiver. Anyway, Daddy fell one night at the assisted living place where he lived "down the hall" from Mother. (He had a head so hard that I hope that I've inherited that gene!) Anyway, the hospice nurse came in and said his hip appeared to be broken and he was in a lot of pain. I chose to stop hospice and have him admitted to the hospital. They operated on his hip the next day and also discovered he had fractured his neck, high up in a bad place. I elected no surgery for that. He went into a neck brace and spent the week in the hospital pulling out everything that was attached to his body, from catheters (ouch) to IV's to the neck brace. It was not good.

He obviously could not return to assisted living since they could not provide 24 hour nursing care and I couldn't afford it. Hospice (did I say they are wonderful?) found me a residential care facility owned and run by a former hospice nurse. They had a 24 hour caregiver, and the hospice people would be there daily with the nurse coming twice a week. We moved him into his own room on April 29th.There were only 5 people living there. Where have those places been??? Anyway, they quickly gave up on the neck brace because Daddy kept yanking it off and we were afraid he would do more harm by doing that. They kept him out of pain. We talked over the weekend and he was ok, wanting to see the rest of the house and really liking the folks there. He was having trouble swallowing, something of a problem we had dealt with off and on for a few months. His health deteriorated rapidly. The nurse called me on Tuesday, the 5th and said they were worried about him. On the 6th they said he couldn't get anything down. I went over, taking a milkshake to see if we could crush a pain pill in it. (Daddy and I drank a lot of milkshakes over the past year, always on our drives around to doctors, etc.) When I arrived, I saw he was out of it and wouldn't be able to take anything.

The hospice nurse came and the hospice chaplain came. We were with him for a little over an hour. I told him I'd take care of mother and to please let go. He opened his eyes and I think he knew I was there. And then he was gone.

All of that is just so I can tell you this: The hospice chaplain who sees Mother called to tell me he was sorry about Daddy. He said that by coincidence he had gone to visit the facility that day, and he was actually with my Mother when Daddy passed away. And my Mother, who doesn't talk much and is very quiet, said, "George is around here now." I think - hell, I KNOW - that Daddy was checking up on her one last time. They were married 66 years and that was his job.

Whew. - I love you all. Barbara

Barbara then Post Scripted this today:

I can also add one more thing that a caregiver of Mother's told me yesterday:

Mother is usually very quiet and unanimated. On Wednesday (the day my Daddy died), mother was smiling and seeming to have a conversation with him. She told him it was ok to leave to the light, and she was ok. This aide did not know about Daddy but was really shocked when she found out this took place while he was leaving this earth.

No one at mother's residence has told her about his passing, but I was there yesterday and she seems to be grieving somewhat. It's hard to put my finger on it, but all of her caregivers mentioned it, too. So, she knows, even though she doesn't "really" know. And I don't think she will be far behind.